Author: crunchonthis

Starring Shia LaBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, and Patrick Dempsey
Directed by Michael Bay
Rated PG-13 for intense prolonged sequences of sci-fi action violence, mayhem and destruction, and for language, some sexuality and innuendo

    It appears that in the 1960s an Autobot space craft crashed on the moon, thus giving the Americans and Russians the need to begin the space race.  When the Autobots discover the existence of their long-lost space craft on the moon, they bring back their leader from the ship that they thought had disappeared decades ago.  Unfortunately, the Decepticons, who got quite the beat down in the last two films, have other sinister plans for the Autobots’ new acquisition.

    Being one of the few critics who actually enjoyed the second film (a fact that filled my inbox with tons of threats of physical violence from a minority of crazies who hated the film), I am hesitant to even write this review.  But hey – it’s just a movie – right?

    Just like the last film, this one is packed with huge set pieces and massive special effects sequences.  Fortunately, there is a decent central plot in this third installment that at least gives a stronger backbone for the action than was present in the second.  But while the central plot works, the subplots are just silly.  With the very noticeable and highly publicized absence of Megan Fox, LaBeouf has a new British girlfriend played by Victoria’s Secret model Huntington-Whitely who is just way too pretty and dull to be in this movie.  At least with Fox there was pretty and damaged which seemed to be a good fit.  

    When producer Steven Spielberg was brought into the first project he wanted to make sure the film had a central theme: a boy and his car.  I guess this one went into the direction of a boy and his girl, and it suffers from it.  Having a girlfriend is one thing, but making it too important makes the film drag when it should be moving.  Proof is in the 157 minute running time which is simply too long for a film like this.  When my bladder and I began analyzing it, we found many, many places where this time could have been effectively cut down.
   
    The other subplots of LaBeouf’s job search and whatever the heck happened to John Turturro were only present for an unneeded overdose of comedy relief.   

    One thing I did enjoy is watching Chicago get the snot beat out of it.  The ending battle sequence was spectacular and watching Optimus Prime kick that much butt was a lot of fun.  That being said, with this many robots fighting for that long, the metal on metal melee seemed to melt together.  I’m glad they did a better job of giving the Autobots more color this time around so you could differentiate the teams, but I’m pretty certain a cut in the fighting budget would have helped the film along.

Starring Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively and Peter Sarsgaard
Directed by Martin Campbell (Casino Royale)
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action and violence
Appropriate for ages 13+

    In this summer’s newest super hero introduction, DC and Warner Brothers show us the world of Green Lantern.  Ryan Reynolds is just your average air force pilot, but when a dying warrior from an alien planet crashes on earth, he is recruited to join an intergalactic peace keeping force.  

    With all of the heroes to choose from that lack a movie, Green Lantern is not the first of them to come to mind for a huge adaptation.  After all, he is a very unconventional superhero.  He works for a police force to keep his quadrant of the universe free from fear.  He is virtually unstoppable from any force on earth.  His whole world is, for lack of a better word, weird.  So it will come as no surprise that from the very beginning, this movie fails to take itself seriously, but yet still chugs along at a decent clip, keeping the audience at the very least curious.

    As far as actors go, Ryan Reynolds is pretty fantastic in the leading role.  He is full of charisma and charm and is simply likable.  Peter Sarsgaard, who really goes out of his way to be the opposite of Reynolds here, presents a villain who you can’t help but feel empathy for.  The supporting cast is not the greatest, but I fear its more for their scripts rather than their talent.  

    Speaking of the script, it’s not a great genesis story, but it’s not horrible either.  There are a tremendous amount of holes throughout the story that I’m sure the plethora of writers were hoping the audience won’t ask about.  Some of that probably stems from the original comic, and some of it is simply sloppy and uncreative.  I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but the entire third act, which involves stopping the super-evil Parallax, makes zero sense.  The reactions of the leaders of the intergalactic squadron to the threat is slightly insane and while that major plot point moves the story ahead the way I’m sure they wanted, it should have been rearranged.  

    That being said, I did like the look of the film quite a bit.  It might be a tad too green, but it certainly comes off as unique and true to the comic in a big way.  The special effects were in top form and one of the few things that made the film watchable.  

Starring Joel Courtney, Kyle Chandler, and Elle Fanning
Directed by J.J. Abrams (Star Trek)
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action and violence, language and drug use
Appropriate for ages 15+

    In the summer of 1979, a young group of friends witnesses a train derailing, which leads to the start of strange happenings in their small Ohio town.

    This is a tough review to write simply because much of the discussion of the film can revolve around potential plot spoilers.  With that in mind, I’ll try to give a more broad account.  Just like he did with Cloverfield, J.J. Abrams went out of his way to not let audiences see what his film was really about.  In this day and age when the trailer usually shows the entire film, I can really appreciate his wanting to keep it secret for us.  

    In this case, the lack of knowledge of upcoming scenes leads to a suspenseful reveal that doesn’t really take place until the third act.  This is both good and bad.  It’s good in the sense that you are really on the edge of your seat and getting to know your characters.  The bad is that  by the time you know what’s actually going on, the build up has to be worth the wait.  For me, the reveal was a bit of let down, especially because it happened so late and came off as unoriginal.  

    For the first hour of the film though, I was truly engrossed.  The film brings  a huge amount of nostalgia with it, reminding you of your days spent with E.T., Close Encounters, and even the Goonies.  And because it reminded me so much of those films, I expected a strong emotional pay off at the end, which just wasn’t provided.  It’s almost like Spielberg began the film and Abrams finished it in the most emotionally unattached way possible.  

    I was also disappointed in the language of the film.  Even though this is a horror film, it is still marketed as a kid-friendly horror film.  Most movies I grew up with had a bit of bad language, but at the moment Abrams threw an F-bomb into the mix, the film became an adult picture, rather than what could have been a great fantasy pic for kids.  While my son is much too young for a film like this, I would be upset if I was watching it with a young teenager.  The language is just plain inappropriate for the target audience.

The Tree of Life

Starring Brad Pitt, Sean Penn and Jessica Chastain
Directed by Terrence Malick (The New World)
Rated PG-13 for some thematic material
Appropriate for all ages

    So what is this film about?  That is a solid question.  Many will go into the movie thinking it is about a Texas family with three boys growing up in the 1950’s.  It is that, sort of.  There is the part of the film that follows this family parented by Brad Pitt and Jessica Chastain, both turning in Oscar-worthy performances.  This particular narrative is told from the point of view of the oldest son, played by Hunter McCracken as a child and Sean Penn later in life, who as an adult is now working in downtown Houston and imagining his childhood in Waco.  But that’s not all of what the film is about.

    Opening with the bible verses of Job 38: 4 and 7, the film quickly sets its central theme of the exploration of God’s complex relationship with man.  The characters are constantly asking questions of God, just as Job did in the Old Testament.  Beginning with the death of their second son, they are constantly asking God why.  And as the first questions come out, Director Terrence Malick takes the audience on a journey of his vision of God.  It’s not the old bearded man in the sky, but rather images ranging from the Universe and its immensity to the tiniest animal cell.  You’ve probably heard there are dinosaurs by now, but in case you hadn’t, his vision includes all sorts of animal life from past to present, all within the context of God creating and molding the Universe and Earth.  The segment is a grand piece of cinema that will no doubt go down as one of the most beautiful visual movements in film history.

    And then there is the conflict mentioned about living your life either in nature or grace.  This theme resonates throughout the movie, driving the characters in their actions.

    So what is the film about?  It’s almost impossible to pitch the story, but if you can tie these elements together without a working narrative, you have the crux of it.  

    What the film is about hardly matters, though, since it’s the power of the film that most will find the most meaningful.  This film pulled me in and connected with me as no other film has ever done before.  I was completely mesmerized for the entire 138 minutes and many hours afterword as well.  Since the scenes are largely incomplete and appear as more of a vision, I found myself meditating on my own life and events that were similar to those of this family.  I think it will be easy for many to conjure up these images while watching the seemingly unrelated events unfold and then personally assign the narrative from your own childhood.  

    I knew from the first act that this would be an important film.  I am certain that in 20, 30, 50 years and more this film will be looked at as a crowning achievement of cinema.  I also knew that it would be polarizing.  Many folks are not going to like it or get it.  The trailer didn’t help with this at all.  If you are going into it thinking you will be seeing the next Brad Pitt/Sean Penn drama, you could be sorely disappointed.  Pitt and Penn are merely colors painted on Terrence Malick’s grand canvas.  I’m not saying you have to be a Malick fan or even know his work, but this is so far from a typical Hollywood film that it will turn many audiences off.  If you actually ask “honey, should we go see Pirates, Hangover or Tree of Life?,” by all means – go see one of the other two.  Your frame of mind is everything when it comes to your potential enjoyment and connection with this movie.  

Kung Fu Panda 2

Starring the voices of Jack Black, Angelina Jolie and Gary Oldman
Directed by Jennifer Yuh
Rated PG for sequences of martial arts action and mild violence
Appropriate for all ages

    Po is back as the Dragon Warrior panda who is now the hero of the land.  But apparently, years ago, the ruling family of China had a son named Chen whose fortune was told that a panda would be his downfall.  Thus, he killed all of the pandas in the land.  His parents threw him out of the city, but now he is back and has taken siege of the capital with only Po and his warrior friends to restore peace.  

    I was one of those surprised people when the first Kung Fu Panda hit theaters.  I was getting to the point where Jack Black was starting to become annoying, but the story and production won me over.  Now that I find Jack Black to be completely annoying, I was fairly certain I wouldn’t be all that into the panda sequel.  That being said, I’m glad I went with an open mind because it wasn’t all that bad.  It wasn’t as impressive or original as the first, but those are some big shoes to fill.  

    The first half of this film, to me, felt like filler.  It was boring, not very funny, and only there to set up the second half.  This is the case with a lot of films, but this one seemed particularly lame at first.  But then when the warriors arrived at the capital, things started to shape up and not only did it become more exciting, the humor missing from the first half leaped into action as well.  Getting past all of the exposition was tiresome, but if you start to nod off after 45 minutes, don’t worry, you’ll wake back up shortly.

    As for Black, he’s not as bad as I expected.  There was a time when I really loved him and what he was doing.  I went to several Tenacious D concerts and couldn’t wait to see the next big JB movie.  But then his seemingly manic presence got on my nerves.  It’s as if the world turned on his slap happy button and it never got turned back off.  Fortunately for us, Po moves and acts differently.  You still get the made up words and silly sayings, but there is more of a softness and humility to Po that makes him bearable.  Get it?  Bearable?  Sorry about that.

    So while I didn’t love the movie, I did find it enjoyable at times.  It has just enough laughs and action to keep you engaged, especially at the end.  I do think the first film targeted both children and adults a little better than this one.  While the kids will no doubt have a blast, the parents won’t be blown away.