Category: Movie Reviews

Machete

Starring Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, and Steven Seagal
Directed by Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis
Rated R for strong bloody violence throughout, language, some sexual content and nudity
Appropriate for ages 17+

    When Machete was first conceived it was a joke trailer in the Grindhouse movies that Robert Rodriguez and Quinton Tarantino released in 2007.  So in the Grindhouse spirit comes the full length feature of Machete which is every bit a b-movie with no disguise of wanting to be taken too seriously.  Machete, played by Rodriguez buddy Danny Trejo, is a Mexican Federale whose wife and daughter are murdered by a Mexican version of Steven Seagal.  Thought dead, Machete turns up in Texas years later hired to botch an assassination attempt on an immigrant-hating U.S. Senator played by De Niro.  Teaming with immigration agent Jessica Alba, Machete goes after pretty much everyone in Texas that has done bad in an attempt to help the Mexican cause.

    What’s funny is that while the film isn’t overly serious, it works great as a political satire.  You can tell that the immigration issues are close to heart and there is quite a lot of Mexican pride in this film.  Perhaps they should have cared more about that and less about sticking to the fake trailer and they could have had something more substantial in the can. 

    Where they went wrong is how ridiculous the whole thing is.  First off, they felt a need to make this look like a low-budget film even if it wasn’t.  Also, while the extreme amount of violence and nudity stick with the theme, it removes the audience from the story.  Sure its fun to see the hero jumping out a window attached to a man’s intestines, but the whole scene was about that sick stunt and didn’t do a thing for the story.  I’m not sure what a naked Lindsay Lohan did either except for the hope that an audience might be drawn in to see the fallen star without her clothes on.  I’m not complaining about that last one – I just have no idea what it had to do with anything.

    Then there is Danny Trejo.  He is fine for some parts.  But a leading man?  Hardly.  He is the buddy of the director and he looked uncomfortable for the entire picture like he was constantly thinking “are they really making a movie with me as the star?”  And he’s not a star.  He’s a fun character actor.  You pull him in for five minutes of screen time when you need a scary villain, mercenary or a mechanic (at least those are my favorite parts he’s played).  You definitely don’t want to watch him make out with Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez.  It gives me hope that maybe I could have my own picture.  Of course I need to find a best friend director first.

    But with all of this criticism, I still somehow found the movie to be enjoyable.  I laughed my way throughout and took it about as seriously as the filmmakers.  It’s not Rodriguez’s best work, but I’ve seen him do worse.  B- 

Going the Distance

Starring Drew Barrymore, Justin Long, and Christine Applegate
Directed by Nanette Burstein (American Teen)
Rated R for sexual content including dialogue, language throughout, some drug use and brief nudity
Appropriate for ages 17+

    When Erin (Barrymore) and Garrett (Long) meet and fall for each other in New York City, they wind up in a long distance relationship when she has to return home to San Francisco to complete school.  Over the course of many back and forth trips, the two of them must decide what is best for them – their careers or each other. 

    Right away this film shows problems due to its horrific title.  Going the Distance sounds like a bad Hilary Duff film rather than a raunchy adult comedy.  So knowing that the film doesn’t know what it is enough to pick an appropriate title is a huge warning flag. 

    And then you get into the picture and realize that while the language is dirty as can be and the cast thinks they are funny, the lack of energy keeps the film from ever getting off the ground. 

    I can’t fault this very talented cast for the lack of energy because while the premise isn’t bad, the script is full of some of the unfunniest material I’ve seen in years.  From the mustache to dry humping, the jokes just don’t work for the most part.  Of course there are the few chuckles that slip by which I can only assume are riffed by the actors, but to be considered a comedy the film needs a bit more than what this picture offers. 

    Another problem here is a bad choice of director in Nanette Burstein who has made some excellent documentaries (if you haven’t seen The Kid Stays in the Picture – put it in your Netflix queue tonight), but whose filmmaking style doesn’t translate well at all in this medium.  Maybe a more experienced comedy director could have come in and picked up the pace a bit and not had me looking at my watch every third second wondering when this ordeal would end. 

    And thus the romantic comedy slump continues.  C-

Piranha 3D

Starring Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, and Jerry O’Connell
Directed by Alexandre Aja (The Hills Have Eyes)
Rated R for sequences of strong bloody horror violence and gore, graphic nudity, sexual content, language and some drug use
Appropriate for ages 18+

    When an earthquake opens up an underwater cavern that has been sealed for millions of years, scores of prehistoric piranhas are unleashed upon unsuspecting teenagers as they party it up during spring break. 

    There is no disguising a movie like this.  It is designed to be a b movie from start to finish.  Every bit of it is completely tongue in cheek, complete with tons of senseless, silly violence, truckloads of fake blood, and oodles of naked and half-naked teenagers doing nothing but drinking, dancing and getting killed in terrible ways.  It is heaven for the right audience and hell for those looking for a real horror film.

    That being said it works really well as a comedy.  I laughed harder here than at many of the other real comedies that have graced our screens this year.  While I did find it a bit gross, I found it to be more entertaining due to the sheer ridiculousness of it and I’m certain this was planned by the filmmakers.  While many are trying to compare it to Jaws, its only similarities are killer fish and Richard Dreyfus.  There is very little in the way of suspense, great writing, fine acting, or true scares here.  There could have been if they wanted, but the choice was made to make it into a carnival side show complete with 3D glasses which were there more for the nudity than for the pisces. 

    If this pic contained all of those great ingredients could it have been something more?  Maybe.  The backstory isn’t horrible and the right elements are there, but for pure entertainment value and dollar-making potential I think they made the right choice, even if it comes across as extremely crude and perverse. 

    Then again, it has the potential to be another Snakes on a Plane, relying more on a gimmick than a real moving narrative.  C

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Starring Michael Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Ellen Wong
Directed by Edgar Wright (Hot Fuzz)
Rated PG-13 for stylized violence, sexual content, language and drug references
Appropriate for ages 13+

    Scott Pilgrim (Cera) is a 22-year-old cruising through life in Canada with a cute high school girl friend and a loud rock band to distract him – until he discovers Ramona Flowers (Winstead), an eclectic American that fascinates him to the point of obsession.  When she agrees to go out on a date with him, he gets more than he bargained for as he discovers that he must destroy each of her seven exes to get a chance with her.  Each one tougher than the next, he really likes her but wonders how much he can handle before he is destroyed himself. 

    Edgar Wright’s previous outings have taken genres and bended them with an imaginative spin, but this time he creates something truly original.  I can honestly tell you that you have never seen, and will never see anything like this movie.  It’s part musical, video game, romance, sci-fi, and teen comedy all rolled into one. 

    While I’m not sure if the music will stand up on its own – it sounds really good in the theater.  It’s loud, in your face, and fun to watch as Michael Cera’s awkward bass guitar playing rocks pretty hard.  And the added special effects that zip in and out only make the tunes more fun as you are experiencing them.

    While most of the big names in the film are in smaller roles, everyone is so perfectly cast and does such a great job.  While the film is certainly about Pilgrim and Flowers, its the ensemble that brings it all together so well and this movie is full of future stars.   

    The music, the strange fighting sequences, and practically everything else though exists almost in a sort of dream state.  Scott actually dreams of Ramona before he sees her which only makes him want her more.  But nothing in the film seems real.  Yet you have to assume that it all is and this altered reality makes anything possible including wacky real-life fight scenes where the loser dies and turns to coins, music that turns to monsters and comic-like images, and most importantly – the Vegan Police.  Saying it’s creative is an understatement.  Being able to put this kind of vision on film is nothing short of genius and also very brave on the part of Universal for funding it. 

    Watching it for the first time I couldn’t help but think that this is just so neat – kind of like the first time I played with an iPhone.  I just hope it has better reception.  A   

The Other Guys

Starring Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, and Michael Keaton
Directed by Adam McKay (Talladega Nights)
Rated PG-13 for crude and sexual content, language, violence and some drug material
Appropriate for ages 13+

    When the two most famous cops in New York City accidentally die in one of the most hysterical death sequences I can remember, a mismatched pair of detectives attempt step up and take their place.  Both cops seem to be bad at their jobs but together they try to take down one of the largest financial schemes the city has ever seen. 

    Recently Kevin Smith attempted the buddy cop comedy with Cop Out and it misfired completely.  One of the reasons that was such a dud was that not only were the cops completely aloof, so was the case.  What helps this buddy film to top the other is that while the cops are both idiots, the case is at least real, although complicated enough that you know that they are getting lucky more than they are intelligently solving it. 

    Unlike many of Adam McKay’s previous films, where I felt that much of the comedy came from improvisation on set, this one actually felt like it came from the page, largely because Ferrell is the only actor capable of bringing the big time improv.  Wahlberg’s character is a little dry and they could have had so much more fun with his troubling backstory, but Ferrell once again creates another memorable, quotable character whose jokes hit most of the time.   The rest of the cast is hit and miss although the opening bit with Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne Johnson is a laugh riot.  Still without Farrell – this film would have been nothing.  He is irreplaceable and owns every bit of screen time he has. 

    The biggest problems I had with the picture were all of the inconsistencies and lame jokes taken too far throughout.  For instance, I liked that hot women everywhere are attracted to Ferrell, but in one scene he has to visit an ex-girlfriend, yet in a back story he explains he met his wife while in a situation that would kill any chance of having that ex-girlfriend.  There are many more of those little annoyances that I guess I shouldn’t let bother me, but I like my pieces of the puzzle to fit.  Also, there are many jokes such as the captain quoting TLC songs without knowing it, Ferrell carrying a wooden gun and Wahlberg lusting after Ferrell’s wife that are funny one, maybe two times, and misses the next ten.  These jokes might have made them laugh on set quite a bit, but as a member of the audience I felt they were a huge stretch. 

    But the litmus test of “did I laugh a lot” passed with flying colors, mostly due to the genius that is Will Ferrell.  When he picks the right project, and for him this was the right project, he proves why he is considered to be one of the funniest men alive.  B+

Dinner for Schmucks

Starring Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, and Zach Galifianakis
Directed by Jay Roach (Austin Powers)
Rated PG-13 for sequences of crude and sexual content, some partial nudity and language
Appropriate for ages 15+

    Tim (Rudd) is trying to get ahead at work and his lucky break comes when he is invited to a secret annual dinner with the executive team where each member must bring the biggest idiot thy can find.  There they each compete to see who can discover the most impressive buffoon.  Tim, being a nice person, is not interested but knows he must compete in order to move ahead and thus finds Barry (Carell), an IRS agent that creates art out of dead mice.  When Barry is so excited about the dinner that he shows up to Tim’s apartment on the wrong night, he finds a way to ruin Tim’s life in one mishap after another. 

    Based on the French film “Le Diner de Cons,” Schmucks takes some similar approaches to its source, but finds ways to not only bring more humanity to the part of the hero, Tim, but also to make the part of Barry ten times more uncomfortable to watch.  Of course this is done through the brilliance of the two leading men, Rudd and Carell.  In the French film, the hero is a complete jerk, but here it is so hard to hate Rudd, that even though you know he is doing something completely awful and creepy, you can’t help but think that he will somehow redeem himself.  He’s just too nice.  That plays in his favor when you can see his inner demons fighting as he struggles with the concept of the dinner.  And then there is Carell who turns in one of my favorite performances of the year so far in 2010.  Sure he is over-the-top, but there are moments of gravity that remind you that he really is a smart, albeit aloof, character with a weird but great artistic ability.  The parts were perfectly cast and perfectly performed.  For a film like this it is was also important to have a great supporting cast, and they really went all out, gathering some of the best names in comedy to be both the idiots and the idiots bringing the idiots.

    While there have been many films that have tried (Get Him to the Greek came close), very few have comedies have actually worked this year, and none have tickled the funny bone like Schmucks.  While its no Hangover, there is a good combination of discomfort and silliness here that got me laughing hard throughout.  I love the feeling I get after laughing like that for so long and I’m sure my body liked it too.  Some might not appreciate the slapstick, but to me this felt like a modern-day Monty Pythonesque picture with all of the absurdity and adult humor you could hope to discover from these great minds.  It’s an immensely entertaining low-brow film whose immaturity is completely excusable and even enjoyable.  A-

Salt

Starring Angelina Jolie, Liev Schreiber, and Chiwetel Ejiofor
Directed by Philip Noyce (Clear and Present Danger)
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action
Appropriate for ages 13+

    Angelina Jolie is just your average CIA officer working overtime when a Russian defector explains to her and her superiors that she is really a spy that has lain dormant for years waiting to be awoken to perform a dastardly duty.  In this case it is to kill the Russian President at the U.S. Vice President’s state funeral.  Feeling trapped, she somehow uses skills they didn’t know she had to elude capture and proves that she really is a Russian spy, but her motives are not clear to anyone.

    There is no doubt that Jolie is a very capable action hero and this girl power spy thriller is a good vehicle for her.  But it also smells like a studio trying to remake Jason Bourne into a female-driven franchise.  While I like the filming style a heck of a lot more with Noyce than I liked Bourne’s Greengrass, the story isn’t nearly as believable.  With Bourne, it’s easy to understand that he has the skills he has, but with Salt, it appears she has the same kind of training, yet her skills ended when she was dropped off at the adoption agency as a child.  I’m sure she could have had natural athletic ability, but to do the kinds of things she does here she would have had to have had very recent vigorous combat training.  I don’t think her CIA job, as demanding as it was, would have counted.  It’s too much of a stretch to think otherwise.  So while she totally kicks butt, her butt-kicking is far-fetched. 

    As for the story itself, just like in Knight and Day, you know that things can’t be as bad as they appear half-way through the film.  After all, no studio would green light a film with this kind of budget where the audience would have to root for the villain as she destroys the U.S.  So to say it’s predictable is an understatement, but then again, there are many surprises that I did enjoy.  And these surprises worked so well because of great acting by a good supporting cast led by Schreiber and Ejiofor.  These two are able to make the story flaws seem almost unnoticeable. 

    Overall, Salt is an exciting thriller and Jolie is very good in it.  And while the writers should have come up with a better back story to convince the audience that she was capable of performing like an olympian and fighting like MacGyver, it still makes for a pretty decent piece of action adventure.  B-

Inception

Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ellen Page, Ken Watanabe, and Marion Cotillard
Directed by Christopher Nolan (Dark Knight)
Rated PG-13 for sequences of violence and action throughout
Appropriate for ages 15+

    Leonardo DiCaprio is Cobb, a techno-pirate who leads a team of thieves whose job it is to steal ideas from people’s heads.  When a job goes horribly wrong for him, the target hires him to plant an idea, called an inception, in a futuristic game of corporate espionage.  In order to make this work, the team must go dream inside a dream inside a dream, making it an extremely dangerous task to undertake.  To make matters worse, Cobb’s past has the ability to destroy the mission like a dream immune system. 

    If there’s one thing this film has going for it is certainly novelty.  It’s original in every sense of the word.  Then again, Nolan excels at that which is one of the reasons he has such a rabid fan base.  That being said, it’s so original it’s confusing – in a good way.  And I’m not saying I left the theater confused.  He wouldn’t allow that.  Instead, he had to throw in so much exposition to keep this from happening that it got in the film’s way.  This is a film that should take two or three viewings to fully comprehend, rather than walking away happy in one.  That would have been okay with his fans as well too since they would have felt that much more intelligent once they got it.  His film Memento, which I still consider to be his best, was like that.  But instead there was just too much unnecessary rambling and even an extra character that could have been avoided, in order to keep the audience feeling comfortably smart.

    So is this film the brilliant masterpiece that all of the fan boys are proclaiming?  Not really.  It’s good, but in my opinion it’s not even the best in the ground-breaking special effects sci-fi dream genre (I might have just made that genre up, but there are a few films that meet the requirements).  I had much more fun watching The Matrix (not the sequels) or Total Recall and think that the stories in these films are just as complex yet more rewarding than Inception.  I realize that neither of those films can boast this amazing cast.  It’s hard to compare Arnold and Keanu to Leonardo in the acting arena.  But for some reason those films were simply more entertaining.  And maybe that’s the key word: entertaining.  I didn’t have that much fun watching this film.  I definitely have admiration for it, but take my breath away it did not.  I didn’t really like the characters that much and while I was cheering for Leo to succeed, I was still not certain that what I was seeing was real or if it really mattered.  The movie was clever as all get out, and intellectually stimulating, but aside from a moment at the end, it failed to capture my heart.  Maybe that is something that happens the second time you see it.  B+

The Girl Who Played with Fire

Starring Noomi Rapace and Michael Nyqvist
Directed by Daniel Alfredson
Rated R for brutal violence including a rape, some strong sexual content, nudity and language
Appropriate for ages 17+
Swedish with English Subtitles

    Shortly after the events of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, computer hacker Lisbeth (Rapace) and journalist Mikael (Nyqvist) investigate a sex-trafficking ring when Lisbeth becomes the suspect of three murders, forcing her to go on the run until she can clear her name.  As she gets closer to the case, she discovers the case is more closely related to her than she could have ever thought possible.

    While the first film (or book for that matter) in the series was a great way to set up this trilogy, the two different story lines weren’t as beautifully intertwined as is the case with this story.  In fact, what appears to be two different story lines become one in a way that only a truly gifted writer can craft.  To say this film is engrossing is a massive understatement.  While over two hours in length, the pacing is remarkable and the storytelling so intense that time flies.  This film is far more exciting than any of the big-dollar action films that have come out this summer so far and my nails were all the worse because of it.  The fact that it is intelligent too makes it that much more thrilling. 

    Rapace turns in another amazing performance in the titular role which will make it that much harder for an American actress to fill her stilettos when David Fincher recreates the Hollywood version of the trilogy.  Nyqvist takes a backseat in this one in a very understated performance where he is very much the supporting character rather than the strong male lead.

    Just like the first film, which you may recall was originally translated “Men Who Hate Women” by the Author Stieg Larsson before wisely renaming, this film also deals with the theme of brutality towards women, with the heroine being a strong, courageous, smart female lead.  While the first film was upsetting in its sexual violence, this one is shocking in its frank sexuality.  It’s not that you haven’t seen a movie like this before, but perhaps you haven’t outside of flipping through the channels on Cinemax.  This is what most surprises me about how popular the novels have become worldwide.  I can understand Harry Potter and possibly even Twilight given its audience, but the worldwide phenomenon that these books have become, especially considering their subject matter, is very peculiar.  I guess adults need their own hero also, even if she is quite a bit flawed.  A

The Last Airbender

Starring Noah Ringer, Dev Patel, and Nicola Peltz
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
Rated PG for fantasy action violence
Appropriate for all ages

    In a world where there are four nations on Earth: Fire, Water, Air, and Earth, and each have parties that can bend the elements and use them to fight with, one individual alive has the ability to bend all four: The Avatar.  When the Avatar is discovered by the evil Fire kingdom, they attempt to kidnap him to use him for their sinister plans.  But when dissension in the ranks and a young Water kingdom girl get in the way of this happening, an immense battle occurs between the Water and Fire kingdoms.

    This is a review where I have to keep myself from becoming too mean – but it is hard.  So is there anything good about the film?  Sure.  The effects are decent enough and I actually like the lore of the film.  The mythology works for me and I would have liked to have seen a decent representation of the original material. 

    But it appears Shyamalan is incapable of delivering that simple feat.  He has such a huge ego and a destructively heavy hand that his will should be considered the fifth element – able to destroy any enjoyment from movies.  He gets almost all of the blame – because it is almost entirely his film.  His script is absolutely embarrassing and would have failed any of the most basic college screenwriting courses.  He already had great source material, but chose to make the dialogue mundane and ridiculously uncreative.  The story plods along like he knows he has shots to get to and he doesn’t know how to get there – so he has them say something.  Anything.  And the actors chosen to deliver the lines are great martial artists, but can’t act worth spit, so combined with poor directing provide a very miserable viewing experience.

    And the great shots he supposedly has to get to aren’t so great.  The battle sequences are far from exciting.  In fact they are almost comical.  For example, during the big one at the end, the Water kingdom is in prep to fight.  The soldiers are all standing guard with weapons in hand in the streets.  As fire rains down on them in the front lines, women are just lazily carrying baskets around.  It’s incredibly silly.  What would women with dainty baskets be doing in an epic battle?  Feeding the soldiers berries? 

    Then there is the horrific 3D transfer.  Just like Clash of the Titans, the studio decided to steal as much money from their audience as possible by doing a last-minute conversion to 3D that looks like garbage.  The ending battle sequence is so dark that you can hardly see it and the whole thing turns out to be a giant waste of extra money. 

    The idea behind The Last Airbender is unique and imaginative but when given to a filmmaker like Shyamalan, the creativity seems to be stripped out and replaced with a genericized fantasy that neither excites nor entertains.  My review of The Happening came with a plea to Hollywood to not give this man any more money to make movies.  I am now begging.  Hollywood: until he can prove to be a good steward of our hard-earned movie dollars, please stop funding this man’s mediocre-at-best talent.  D