Author: crunchonthis

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Fool’s Gold – 10 Reasons Not To See This Film

Fool’s Gold     D

Starring Matthew McConaughey, Kate Hudson, Donald Sutherland and Ray Winstone
Directed by Andrew Tennant (Hitch)
Rated PG-13 for action violence, some sexual material, brief nudity and language
Appropriate for ages 15+

The Story: A newly divorced couple, McConaughey and Hudson, attempt to find a treasure that has been buried for almost 300 years.  In their way is a rap mogul that not only wants the treasure, but wants them dead as well.

The Good: The aesthetics look professional.  This is a well shot film with lots of good action sequences and a whole lot of well-toned skin from its actors and actresses. 

The Bad: 1) This is a romantic comedy that is neither romantic nor funny.  2) The script is abysmal.  3) The plot is laid out like a bad Scooby Doo episode.  4) The villains are cookie cutter goof balls.  5) The two best actors in the film (Sutherland and Winstone) turn in the two worst performances.  6) The sidekick played by Ewen Bremner (Trainspotting) is a useless waste of script.  7) At two hours in length, this pic is thirty minutes longer than any bad rom-com has the right to be.  8) Donald Sutherland’s laughable accent.  9) The subplot between Sutherland and his Paris Hiltonesque daughter makes me cringe.  10) There is very little chemistry between McConaughey and Hudson, and yet they make another movie together.  

The Summary: This is a good Valentine’s Day to stay home and rent a real romantic comedy.


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Across the Universe – Beatlemania

Across the Universe

Starring Jim Sturgess, Evan Rachel Wood, and Joe Anderson
Directed by Julie Taymor (Frida)
Rated PG-13 for some drug content, nudity, sexuality, violence and language
Release date: February 5, 2008
Available on 2-Disc DVD and Blu-Ray

Building a musical based on Beatles music is no easy task.  First problem, how do you connect the dots for a real story without creating some silly musical review?  Second, how do you make the fans happy?  The very eclectic and brilliant Julie Taymor figured it out.  Set in the 1960s, Across the Universe tells the love story between a young Brit named Jude and sweet all-American girl named Lucy.  It also incorporates a modern political message, while pretending to be focused on the Vietnam War.  The voyage taken here is spectacular and you’ll find yourself digging through all the little corners of the discs, including several documentaries about the film’s making, as well as loads of extended musical numbers.  The Blu-Ray disc also offers an art gallery from the movie, set to the pic’s fantastic soundtrack.


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Rambo – Last Blood (Fingers Crossed)

Rambo     D+

Starring Sylvester Stallone
Written and Directed by Sylvester Stallone
Rated R for strong graphic bloody violence, sexual assaults, grisly images, and language
Appropriate for ages 18+

The Story: Many years have passed since our last violent adventure, and now Rambo (Stallone) is still living in South East Asia and making his living as a snake hunter for a local tourist trap.  A group of American missionaries hire him to escort them deep into Burma to deliver medicine and bibles to a remote village.  When he discovers that the missionaries have come up missing, he and a group of renegade mercenaries head in to rescue them.

The Good: I’ll say one thing about this flick – it’s not boring.  It’s a quick and easy plot with tons of action and gore.  The finale looked like an homage to The Wild Bunch with a shootout that has to be seen to be believed (and I don’t recommend you see it). 

As for Stallone, it is amazing that he is as big and physically fit as he is at the ripe age of 61.  But even though he got himself into shape for the pic, he still left his shirt on throughout the entire film.  Sorry girls. 

The Bad: Besides the bad acting, atrocious writing, and the pointless violence, the film isn’t half bad.  Just kidding.  What can you expect?  I don’t think that anyone could take this film seriously (except maybe Stallone).  If you love this kind of movie, then have fun.  Go see Meet the Spartans while you’re at it.  If you are looking for more than a mindless night at the movies – save your money. 

The Summary: As bloody as it is silly, Rambo 4 should give audiences their Stallone fix for at least another 20 years.

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There Will Be Blood – Crude Awakening

There Will Be Blood     A

Starring Daniel Day Lewis, Paul Dano, and Ciaran Hinds
Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson (Boogie Nights)
Rated R for some violence
Appropriate for ages 17+

The Story:  Loosely based on the novel Oil! by Upton Sinclair, Blood follows the life of a successful oil man (Lewis), and the corruption that falls upon him once he becomes wealthy.  Troubled by his deaf son and the local preacher (Dano) that won’t stay off his back, he allows the money to cause him to lose his mind.

The Good: Daniel Day Lewis is the big winner here.  His performance is absolutely legendary and he should be a sure thing for the Best Actor Oscar this year. 

Aside from Lewis though, this is still a great film.  Written and directed by P.T. Anderson, the pic is a far cry from his other classics like Boogie Nights, Magnolia, and Punch Drunk Love.  The film looks like a Western, but with the haunting score written by Radiohead’s Jonny Greenwood, it feels almost like an epic horror pic.  It’s a different kind of movie experience that will grow on you long after you leave the theater. 

The Bad: While he has proven himself to be a great actor elsewhere, I wasn’t impressed with the selection of Paul Dano as the annoying preacher.  I know what Anderson was going for, but the film could have been even stronger with a more appropriate actor in the role.

I must also warn that the ending is very bleak and unresolved.  It’s the kind of ending that will ruin the movie for many an audience member.  

The Summary: While the production is impressive, it’s Daniel Day Lewis that makes this a memorable motion picture. 
    


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The Kite Runner – Making Amends

The Kite Runner     A-

Starring Khalid Abdalla, Homayoun Ershadi, and Ahmad Khan Mahmidzada
Directed by Marc Forster (Finding Neverland)
Rated PG-13 for strong thematic material including the rape of a child, violence and brief strong language
Appropriate for ages 15+

The Story: Based on the popular novel by Khaled Hosseini, Kite Runner follows the lives of two Afghani children before, during, and after the Russian invasion and the effect that their decisions have on each other. 

The Good:  Having not read the book, I cannot comment on the similarities or differences, but I can say that this is a very beautiful and emotional film to take in.  The majority of the story takes place with the boys and their performances were remarkable, even without considering that they were not actors to begin with.  Abadalla and Ershadi also turned in tremendous performances as the father and son struggling to survive in America years later.  Big Kudos go to Marc Forster for difficult but rewarding direction.

The Bad: This is one heavy movie that you really have to be in the mood to see.  The central focus of the film is about the rape of a child, which doesn’t exactly make this the feel good movie of the year.  Bring a box of tissues and get ready to use many.

The Summary: The Kite Runner is beautiful to watch, but tough to sit  through.


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Cloverfield – Lives Up to the Buzz

Cloverfield     B+

Starring Michael Stahl-David, Jessica Lucas, and T.J. Miller
Rated PG-13 for violence, terror disturbing images
Appropriate for ages 15+

The Story: The movie audience gets to watch the playback from a videotape found in Central Park after New York City is destroyed.  The tape follows a group of friends as they try to survive an attack from a horrible and unstoppable monster that wreaks havoc on the city.

The Good: A few months back theaters saw the trailer for a film that looked like The Blair Witch Project on crack.  I don’t even remember the film that came after, but for weeks this little untitled pic was all we film-nerds could chat about.  It didn’t have a title and many people actually thought that the name of the flick was 1-18-08 since that was the only thing listed on the trailer and following poster.  This super-hype was too much for any film to live up to.  But this one does.  This is a scary, realistic-as-you-can-get movie that effectively uses a handheld camera and makes you feel like you are with the friends every step of the way.  There were many moments when my heart was racing and my stomach was turning.  I’ll admit, the jerky and diagonal motion of the camera could have been partly to blame, but there is some really frightening stuff here that should cause this low-budget thriller to make loads of dough.

The Bad: In order to get the kind of story that delivers the right result, the characters have to do many, many stupid things.  While rescuing the one you love isn’t crazy – risking your life and the lives of your friends to get there in an impossible situation involving a humongous monster is.  That being said, I think they could have given us another story line that would have delivered the same effects without the audience constantly saying “yeah right…” 

Also, if you thought the Bourne flicks had some nauseating moments, pop those Dramamines during the trailers.  The motion sickness might add to the enjoyment, but puking during the movie could cause a chain reaction that you don’t want to see outside of Stand By Me. 

The Summary: This great little monster movie truly lives up to the buzz surrounding it. 


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The Bucket List – A Life Without Regrets

The Bucket List     B-

Starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman
Directed by Rob Reiner (When Harry Met Sally…)
Rated PG-13 for language, including a sexual reference
Appropriate for ages 13+

The Story: Two men (Nicholson and Freeman) dying of cancer, decide to put together a list of all the things they want to do before they die.  Since one of them is a multi-millionaire, they set off on a fully-funded trip around the world in order to not have any regrets before they kick the bucket.

The Good: Nicholson and Freeman are both very fun to watch together.  Their charisma and talent get them through this dark story with flying colors.  If you are looking for a good tear-jerker that will make you laugh (and you’ve already seen Juno), then this is a great film for you.

The Bad: Due to the content alone, this is a film that skews older.  You won’t see many teenagers fighting to get into the theater, which means that the movie will probably die before the characters.  It should get some decent business on DVD, but if you wait for a few weeks to see it on the big screen – it will be gone.

On a more critical note, this is a very predictable picture.  If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve seen the Cliff’s Notes version of the film.  This makes the tearful scenes seem manipulated, although still effective. 

The Summary: It might be a decent movie with very good performances, but it should see a quick box office death. 

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Juno – All Knocked Up and Nowhere to Go

Juno     A+

Starring Ellen Page, Michael Cera, Jennifer Garner, and Jason Bateman
Directed by Jason Reitman (Thank You For Smoking)
Rated PG-13 for mature thematic material, sexual content, and language
Appropriate for ages 13+

The Story: Young Juno (Page) is bored one night and decides to have sex with her friend Bleeker (Cera), only to find that this one lapse in judgment would end up with a baby in nine months.  When a trip to the abortion clinic scares her away, she finds a young couple incapable of having their own child, and offers hers up for adoption. 

The Good: While the story is fairly simple, it’s the screenplay that makes this movie sing.  Written by newbie Diablo Cody, this is simply one of the wittiest, smartest, and funniest films to come along this year.  Another find here is young Ellen Page.  While she showed signs of her brilliance in the very frightening 2005 movie Hard Candy, Juno has proven her to be a future superstar.  Combine Diablo’s script, Pages terrific handling of the lead character, and a top notch director and supporting cast, and you end up with a movie that should get itself nominated for many Oscars this year (I think it’s safe to say a best picture nod is in store), and could even take home a trophy or two. 

The Bad: I want to try to tear this film apart, but simply can’t.  It had me smiling from start to finish.  While some of the dialogue is sometimes too witty, I still found myself eating it up. 

The Summary: This little indie could be the next Big Fat Greek Wedding. 



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The Best and Worst of 2007



The Best and Worst of 2007

Although most of the entertainment news this year has involved one or another celebrities going to prison and/or rehab as well as the infamous writer’s strike, I think it can still be said that it was a good year for movies.  Week after week there were good, if not great, films to check out.  The one thing I love the most about writing for The Beaumont Journal is that I get to pick what to review and most of the time I skip the stinkers.  This year a few stinkers were inevitable, but overall, I am very pleased with what I consider to be the best 10 films of 2007

The Best

1) Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.  This extraordinary musical about a murderous barber and his thirst for revenge is one of the best movie musicals to ever hit the big screen.  Burton proves himself to be the perfect choice to direct with this macabre masterpiece. 

2) Juno.  While it was a great year for pregnancy flicks (Knocked Up, Waitress), Juno takes the cake with it’s story about a 16-year-old girl that decides to put her baby up for adoption.  It is not only the best written film of the year, but one of the funniest as well.

3) Atonement.  This WWII epic romance starring Keira Knightly and James McAvoy is a breathtaking and heartbreaking love story that could prove dangerous at this year’s Oscars. 

4) American Gangster.  Like a cross between Scarface and The French Connection, this crime drama is an amazingly crafted saga. 

5) Ratatouille.  Terrific story-telling and eye-popping visuals make this animated gem one of Pixar’s best yet (and that’s saying something). 

6) Persepolis.  While the animation might not impress you, the story, about a young French girl growing up in Iran during the Islamic Revolution, most assuredly will.  This film will be coming soon to Houston theaters.

7) The Lives of Others.  I’m a sucker for good endings and this one has the best ending I’ve seen in years.  The rest of it is pretty darn great as well.  While it won the 2006 Oscar for best foreign film, I’m including it here since it didn’t open in Texas until February. 

8) The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.  While the performances by Brad Pitt and Casey Affleck are terrific, the poetic screenplay by writer/director Andrew Dominick (based on the Ron Hansen novel) and the mesmerizing cinematography by legend Roger Deakins make this western a true classic.

9) Once.  The musical for those who hate musicals.  This film had the highest rottentomatoes.com score of the year and is worthy of being added to both your DVD and CD collection.

10) Superbad.  I laughed at this film so hard, and it brought me so much joy, that I just had to include it in my top 10. 

Films I hated to leave out include: Lars and the Real Girl, Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead, Charlie Wilson’s War, War Dance, Sicko, Hairspray, No End In Sight, Knocked Up, Across the Universe, Hot Fuzz, and Transformers.

The Worst

1) Evan Almighty.  Proof that the brilliant Steve Carell is not infallible.  Thank God we still have The Office.

2) Fantastic Four.  Turn down the volume or listen to the film in French without subtitles and this might not be a bad little movie.  Too bad the dialogue in inescapable.

3) Wild Hogs.  I wish they had left the pen closed.

4) I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.  We should be striking these writers!

5) Dan In Real Life.  I liked it better the first time I saw it – when it was called The Family Stone.


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Holiday Releases – Get Ready For A Big Week In Movies

Busy Holiday

If you’ve seen the list of movies coming out on December 21st and 25th you will agree that it’s enough to keep you very busy or very confused as to what to see, or at least what to see first.  I didn’t get a chance to see National Treasure, P.S. I Love You, or Great Debaters before press time, and they won’t screen a film like Alien Vs. Predator for critics, but here is a rundown of the rest of this busy week.



Charlie Wilson’s War     A-

Starring Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and Philip Seymour Hoffman
Directed by Mike Nichols (Closer)
Rated R for strong language, nudity/sexual content, and some drug use
Appropriate for ages 17+

This movie is based on the true story of a Houston socialite (Roberts) that convinces alcoholic East Texas Congressman Charlie Wilson (Hanks) to commit to arming the Afghans against the Russians during the great invasion.  Look for Hoffman to get many nominations for Best Supporting Actor for his turn as Wilson’s Afghanistan CIA adviser.  While the film is of a serious nature, it plays as a comedy and turns out to be well-crafted entertainment.


Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story     A-

Starring John C. Reilly, Jenna Fischer, and Tim Meadows
Directed by Jake Kasdan (Orange County)
Rated R for sexual content, graphic nudity, drug use and language
Appropriate for ages 17+

This year has been a great one for the Rated R comedy.  Knocked Up, Superbad, and now this little gem of a spoof that pokes fun at the biopics Walk the Line and Ray, all brought to us by the same man: Judd Apatow.  John C. Reilly is Dewey Cox, a Johnny Cash-like singer that finds himself in the ever-changing world of music from the 60s to the modern era.  There are a lot of jokes thrown at the audience and most of them stick tight, making this a very effective comedy.  Just as you would expect from an Apatow production, this is a filthy little pic that seeks to shock and offend it’s audience throughout.  Reilly proves his ability as a leading man and comes across with fearless charisma.

The Waterhorse: Legend of the Deep     C-

Starring Alex Etal, Emily Watson, and Ben Chaplin
Directed by Jay Russell (My Dog Skip)
Rated PG for action/peril, mild language and brief smoking
Appropriate for ages 6+

A young boy finds a mysterious egg near the shore of Loch Ness.  Upon it’s hatching he discovers that he has a new pet water horse, or Loch Ness Monster.  His new friend outgrows the house and the child is forced to keep him in the Loch.  While the actors are all normally really great, the performances here seem phoned in.  Also, I think that kids could go with the dino-pet theme pretty easily, and adults won’t hate it, but the few E.T. moments do not excuse the predictability and choppiness found throughout the entire picture.